Treatment 4/1 (4 of 8)
Posted by chrissy | Filed under Treatment Updates
So, this treatment didn’t happen. I’d be lying if I said that I wan’t happy about that. I went into this treatment with the mindset that I was going to be honest, finally, and tell the doctor the way everythng was actually going and how I really was feeling. I went in and told them that I was absolutely exhausted and felt like I had hit my breaking point both physically and mentally. The good news was that I had extremely low platlet counts, so no treatment. Instead of just pushing treatment back a week and having it this week, Dr. Seng decided that since I had scans coming up on Wed 4/8 that we would just skip this treatment. He then added a MRI scan to this week too.
I am sooooooo ready for all this to be done. I so have hit that breaking point and feel like I am done. I can’t wait to have a normal life again. The bad thing is that I don’t feel like me anymore, and the bad thing is that people other than Bob are starting to notice it. I feel like I’ve lost a lot of who I am in all this mess. I know that I will be different after all is said and done, I don’t know how I could expect not to be. I just don’t want to loss all that is me. The hard part is knowing what changes are because of everything thats going on and what changes are due to hormonal changes do to treatments. Needless to say, I know I’m going to enjoy life and forget about all the small stuff that doesn’t really matter after all of this…that has already started. This is not a very easy thing to go through, even if that doesn’t always seem to be the case with me. I have this problem with letting people seeing me as weak. I know that everyone one would understand if I did let that part slip out every now and then, but I just don’t want to let that out. I have started to slowly allow myself to feel what I feel and let it be known. It’s hard, but I feel like I can’t hold anything in anymore, and if I do, I’m going to burst. So, if I seem a bit done or emotional or just different thats why.
