Just another day….
Posted by chrissy | Filed under General Life
So, I thought that I might actually write a post during a normal weekend. I seem to just be writing after treatments now too so I wanted to write about something other than treatments and all that jazz. So anyway, all in all this has actually been a really good week, too bad that it has to end. Bob and I actually got a few nights of normal. We just hung out in our room watching tv together and it was great. We don’t get a whole lot of alone time and when we do we seem to be focusing on everything else thats going on, instead of us. This week we have focused on us for a few days and it’s been a great thing. It’s amazing how much better that can make me feel. I actually feel refreshed after a day/night/few hours of normal “us” time. Everyone wonders how all of this is impacting us and our relationship. I’d have to say that it’s not easy all the time, but we find a way through it. The weird thing is that we always knew how lucky we were to have found each other and to have done it so early in life, not everyone is so lucky to marry their best friend and be as happy as we are. Now, I think we are even more painfully aware of that fact. We are doing well though and finding our way through all of this the best that we can. There is no doubt that after all of this is done there is absolutely nothing that we won’t be able to take on and get through together.
Other than that, I got to spend most of the day today with my sis and it was nice. We went shopping up at the outlets in Albertville together….that should never be allowed again. I wanted to go to find clothes for work, since our dress code is changing, but I didn’t expect to spend that much. She’s a bad influence, or at least that’s what I told Bob when I came home with a new Coach clutch that I really didn’t need, but really wanted. It was really nice to spend time with just me and her, we haven’t done that in so long. We talk about a lot of stuff, including cancer but that wasn’t the only topic. That was nice. I think I miss the normal every day things that we all take for granted because they are always happening and are constant. It’s just too bad that it took all of this for me to realize all of that. My sister has been an amazingly strong person through all of this, which I didn’t expect. She has stepped up and become the “big” sister, in that she is taking care of me and making sure everyone else is doing okay. I think that is great. That is hard for me though, because I am the big sister and always focsing on everyone else before focusing on me. So maybe in a weird way this whole experience is going to force me to learn how to actually focus on me first and make me thr priority for a change. That has been a hard thing for me to do, but I think I’m getting a little bit better at it. That is what I need to work on still.
3/4 Treatment (2 of 8)
Posted by chrissy | Filed under Treatment Updates
Well, what can I say. Because of how bad everything was last time, I got more pretreatment drugs this time and more fluid. That seemed to help in the beginning. I sleep pretty much all day on Thursday again, which is not good. I’d try to get up tp sit up for a bit, eat, or drink, but I’d go right back to sleep again. I was lucky if I was up for 4 or 5 hours all day. Friday wasn’t the best day, but I’ve had worse. I woke up feeling pretty good. We went to get disconnected and because I was feeling good I opted for no fluids, I think that was a mistake on my part. We got out the door of the office and I had o run to a bathroom to get sick. Then as soon as the elevator hit 1st floor I had to book it to the bathroom again. Then I got sick just a few blocks from the hopstial again…good thing we go prepared with a bucket. I got sick later at home again when I tried to eat and drink again, but eventually that stopped. Thanks God!!! It was a long day of that stuff. Saturday wasn’t too bad, I was up most the day just a few small naps and small amounts of food and drinking. I didn’t really get sick, just some dry heaves that passed. So far, Sunday has been a good day. I ate a norma breakfast and actually fell like moving around. Hopefully we can get out and about this afternoon and then we’ll see how I’m feeling.
All I can do say about all this shit (excuse my language, but I don’t know what else to call it) is that it’s almost done with. It has been a lot more to handle this time around and I don’t want to do it anymore. I may be putting up this strong and brave exterior, but inside I’ve had enough and can’t take it anymore. I just want my normal life back. I miss it so much right now. The thing I miss the most is my relationship with my husband. We have an absolutely amazing relationship, but now there is always this cloud over everything and it won’t go away. I feel like I have to put up a front to make him think I’m okay with it all, even though I know I don’t. I just don’t want to make this any harder on him. He’s so amazing and really the only thing that keeps me going most days. This is not easy by any means, but I know that I’m fighting all of this for us and our future. Theres nothing else that matters more to me right now then kicking cancer’s ass and having the future we have dreamt of. And now my focus is on Sept or Oct when all this will be done and we can restart our life again, because it feels like we’ve been paused since Sept.
Treartment 2/18 (1 of 8)
Posted by chrissy | Filed under Treatment Updates
Okay, so I have decided that I don’t miss this at all.
I was in at 9am to get labs and meet with the nurse to see how everything was going and if I had any new questions. I then started chemo. Megan came and brought us Jumba Juice, which was really good and it hit the spot. We actually sat back in a small room this time because my “normal” spot in the corner was taken. I actually kinda liked it, a little more quite and out of the way. I think I’d rather sit in my other spot next time though. I like to be out with everyone else and seeing everyone come and go. I feel like I’m more there then, if that makes any sense. Everything went good, as normal. I had to go to the bathroom alot, like normal…they put a lot of fuild in. I also got my nice little warm flash at the end, thats always nice…I feel like I’m having a huge hot flash and can’t get cool, and then it’s gone. Other than that, everything went normal.
I got sick on Wednesday night, which doesn’t usually happen. I got really sick and had to clean up and change my clothes…way too much for me. I slept all day on and off on Thursday. Bob made me homemade chicken noodle soup and chocolate chip cookies, too bad I couldn’t really enjoy them. Friday, I must have missed a pill in the morning because I got really sick again (I had to change again). I didn’t really eat much, I spent most the day dry heaving, which is soooo much fun. I finally got some real food in me on Sat night and got a good night sleep. Sunday was a good day and I finally started to feel a little bit normal. We went out and bummed around a little bit and I ate three normal meals. So all in all, the weekend wasn’t really all that good. I think my body is a little pissed off at me right now and decided to show it in a very bad way. Hopefully, the next one will be better otherwise this is going to be a very long 4 months ahead. I guess I’ll just have to enjoy all the good days I do have so the bad ones don’t actually seem that bad. I’m not really sure if that will work, but hell it’s worth a try. Anything really is at this point I guess.
2/2 Apointment
Posted by chrissy | Filed under Doctor Updates
Okay, so I had an appointment with the oncologist to go over scans, see how everything is going, and get the next step of my treatment plan. I had my lab work run at the appointment to see how everything is since the hopsital. Every count looks good and well within normal ranges. We talked over the treatment plan quite a bit. My oncologist had the discussion on what and how we should proceed from this point with a large number of other doctors and specialists due to what has happened with the first round of chemo and the surgery. After all the discussion with them, he has decided that I should recieve the same chemo cocktail, seeing how well it workrd the first time. It’s kind of the why change it if it works. Anyways, after talking it over it looks like we can’t do chemo for a couple cycles and stop again to have surgery, because the chances of the chemo working after that again wouldn’t be that good. When looking at the scans it looks like the tumors on my liver are active and growing yet again. It’s not all bad though. They are much, much smaller than when this all originally started. Which is actually good news in the regard that I have less to tackle this tme around. So, where does that leave us now. Well, chemo will start on 2/18 again and it will go for 8 cycles (4 months) this time. After 4 cycles, I will get scanned again to see how everything is going. The idea is to get as much chemo in me and working as possible before they stop again for surgery. After 8 cycles, I will have liver reccession to remove the right lobe and the cancer, which puts us at roughly June or July for surgery. The good news is that with the chemo following surgery, I should be completely done with all and cancer free sometime in Sept or Oct, which puts us at one year from diganosis. I am getting closer and closer to that halfway mark and then I’ll be working my way to that done marker. I can not wait until that day comes when I am told that my body is cancer free and I am in remission. That day can not come soon enough if you ask me. I’m a little freaked out about having to start this chemo again, seeing how bad it was last time. I can only hope that the weeks fly by. Here’s to hoping. :) More later.
Normal Life Again
Posted by chrissy | Filed under General Life
I get to go back to normal life on Tuesday. YEAH!!!!!!!! I know that being excited about going back to work is probably a little weird and all, but I can’t help it. I feel like I have to get out of this house and actually be doing something. Even though I’m happy to go back, I know it’s probably going to be short lived. I have a feeling that about a week in, I’m going to be wishing I was back at home doing nothing. Oh well, at least I know that going back means I get to put my focus onto something other than the cancer for 6 to 8 hours a day…that’s the best part of working throughout it all. For those who think I’m weird for being excited for going back to work, try being held up at home for a month not by choice and see how you feel. I’ve loved spending a month with my wonderful husband, who has tried to get me out as much as he possibly can, but it will be nice to get back into a routine again. Hey, maybe that will mean I can finally get some real sleep…that would be fanastic!!!
Just Checking In
Posted by chrissy | Filed under Doctor Updates
Sorry for the delay in posting, but I’ve been oh soooo busy. Just sitting around knitting, reading, doing puzzles, and playing Wii. I know, where do I find all the time for that. Well, let me tell you, it’s not easy, but I somehow fit it all in.
Anyway, I went to see the neurologiston Thursday 1/22 for the nerve damage in my left leg from surgery. My advice, don’t ever get testing done on your nerves. The shock transmission testing wasn’t too bad, but still sucked. The electrical conduction testing was the one I would adivce against. They actually take a needle and stick it into each muscle (one at a time), move it around (fells like digging), and then ask you to move your leg around. It hurts sooooo bad, that I actually starting crying. Good news….the actual nerve itself wasn’t damaged, it was the surrounding insulation that was damaged. That means that full function and strength will return, it will just take some time. How long???…no one knows, it could be a few weeks or a few months. I have already gotten back quite a bit since the surgery and continue to push through daily. I walk more an more without the cane around the house everyday, so I think thats good. I can’t wait until the day that I can get rid of that damn cane.
I also had a PET scan and a CT scan done on Monday 1/26. Nothing eventful to report from these, except some fuild showed up where the rectum shold be in the CT scan. Not to worry though, they think this is probably just part of the healing process since I have no other symptoms that would point to nothing being wrong.
Anyway, I see the oncologist on Monday 2/2 to get the results fo the scans and go over my treatment plan. I’m actually looking forward to seeing Dr. Seng, because it’s been almost a month now since I saw him. When you get use to seeing someone evry other week, it’s a little weird when you don’t see them for awhile. Then on Tuesday 2/3 I see the rectal surgeon for a post-op checkup. I’m excited for this one for two reasons: (1) I get to go by myself to an appointment and (2) I can’t wait to show him how well I’m doing. Don’t get me wrong, I love having my family going with me, because then I know just how much support I have and have many extra ears to listen. But going by myself is nice too.
Bad Day
Posted by chrissy | Filed under General Life
Okay, so I was told that I’d have bad days when I feel just plain pissed at the world or am overwhelmed with saddness and scared. Well, I definitely believe them now. Yesterday I was quiet, which for those who really know me know that’s nothing like me. I like to say I was in a “Mood”…I wanted nothing to do with anything and wanted to crawl into a hole and just wait til this was all over. The bad part of all of this, I take it out on Bob, because he is the first person I see when I feel like this. (This really doesn’t work out well at all) He gets defensive because I’m angry and pissed and taking it out on him, which he has every right to feel, but this makes me extra defensive and even more pissed off. I really can’t wait for this all to be over, I want nothing more than to have nothing to be pissed off at or scared of. That would be great. Anyways, today is better…even though I’m a little on edge still. I guess they will come and go…I’ll have to just make my way through all this the best I can and know that I’m 5 to 6 months away from being done with all this. I might have to start a count down here soon!!! :)
Update
Posted by chrissy | Filed under Treatment Updates
I’m so ready to be all recovered and back to normal life. I hate sitting around all day and doing nothing. I did get out a little bit yesterday which was really nice, but I still wish I didn’t have to sit around anymore. Anyways, enough of my complaining…I’m sure everyone wants to know how everything is going.
For those who don’t know, the surgery was good. Here is a quick refresh on what happened…The surgeons did scopes before they opened me up to get a better idea of what they were up against, which changed everything they were planning to do. My liver surgeon found another 10 spots on my liver and two of them came back as cancer, the good news…they are all on the right lobe, so surgery is still a great option. So I did not have the liver surgery, but my rectal surgeon continued and removed the whole rectum and gave me a colostomy, which is the permanent one, but mine is temporary. Also, he found another 10-20 polyps in my colon, but thinks that they look fine. However, he does not like my colon and plans on eventually taking out the whole colon. The other fun thing, while my rectal surgeon was in there, apparently he pinched the femoral nerve on my left leg, so I have a very weak leg and am walking with a cruch right now…it will slowly come back, just don’t know how long it will take. Enough with that though…
I got my staples out on Tuesday afternoon and I have to tell you it felt so good. I can now wear pants because it doesn’t hurt or isn’t unconfortable because of the rubbing against the staples. I am so excited to have them out!!!!
What’s next??? I met with a neurologist to have some testing done on my leg to see where we are and where we have to go from here. Also, treatment will continue…I go in the end of Jan for scans. Then in the beginning of Feb to get lab work done and met with Dr. Seng to get the treatment plan. The focus of this chemo will be on the liver. The next surgery, to remove 60% of the liver, will be sometime in April or May. Then I’ll probably finish off the chemo to make sure that everything is gone. The best news of all of this…NO RADIATION!!! This means we don’t have to focus on or worry about doing fertility treatments and I will probably be able to have kids the “normal” way. This was exactly what I needed to to hear after surgery because it seemed to lift me up and make me soooo happy.
Updates
Posted by chrissy | Filed under Uncategorized
Check the surgery page out for updates on how things are going and how I’m doing!!!!!!!!
Surgery is scheduled!!!
Posted by chrissy | Filed under Treatment Updates
Monday 12/29/08 at 1pm.
Don’t know how long it will be yet, still have to meet with both my surgeons this week. So I’ll know more on Wed. All I know is that it will be an extremely extensive surgery and it will take me awhile to recover, 1 to 2 months at least. Gotta love it!!! Well, not so sure if I can be as excited about this and I should be. I am absolutely terrified that I have to have surgery seeing as it’s my first surgery ever. I don’t want to be put to sleep for it because I’ve never been given drugs to put me asleep before. Ahhhh!! I just wish that it could all be over, but I know that with this surgery I am just that much closer to being done. Now, I just have to recover, go through egg harvesting, 8 more cycles of chemo, and then 6 weeks of radiation/chemo. Then I’ll be in remission. Needless to say the road is still long but come 12/29 I’ll be one step closer.
